Saturday, April 23, 2016

Three months

Indiana is three months old!! Can you believe it? A quarter of a year. A third of a pregnancy! Some days seem never ending, but mostly it's all flying by. I'll look at my little monster smiling at me, holding her big ol' head up and I'm like, how is it possible that you've grown so much from that tiny floppy thing I gave birth to?? Three months marks the end of the, "fourth trimester" and I've tried my darndest to make baby girl's transition into the outside world as smooth as possible. I've cuddled and snuggled Indiana every moment I could. My goal was (and still is) for her to trust that the world was a cool place! That being out here is not so bad. That we will always and forever be here to pick her up and tell her everything is okay. But mostly I just wanted her to know that she is so so so loved. With every fiber of my existence I want her to know that. I smile at that baby all day long. No matter how tired or cranky or frustrated I am, when she looks at me I (try to) smile. I kiss her and snuggle her and fight for her smiles in return. Pretty much all day, erryday. Anyway, that's a lotta mush, but that's what my goal was for the fourth trimester; no matter how exhausted or overwhelmed I was, love fest first and foremost. But real talk, we might be moving on to bigger things like learning how to be a functioning human and stuff, but love fest is not over. All that snuggling and smiling and assurance of love is gonna keep on going strong. Like... forever. I just hopefully won't be as tired??

This last month has been a radical month for Indiana. As I'm sure every month will be for a while. She has grown SO MUCH. She's wearing a mix of 3 but mostly 6 month clothes and weighs about 12 and a half pounds. She can hold her head up, likes to "stand" (with lots of help), recently conquered rolling from her tummy to her back, and can grab and hold on to little toys! She's all about putting stuff in her mouth and drooling on everything. Gahhh she is a drooling machine. And girlfriend is ready to roll! She wants so badly to sit up and move on her own. I can tell she gets frustrated with that floppy body of hers. But everyday she's getting stronger!

Indiana loves smiling at people and having conversations with her heartbreakingly adorable baby voice. She hasn't really laughed yet, but she'll sorta chuckle. She's a big fan of books, the posters in her room, her kitty that's attached to a pacifier (not so much the actual pacifier part), chewing on blankets, naps in the car, and just going out and looking at stuff. She doesn't like hot cars, being stuck in one position for too long, or waking up from naps. Her witching hours are from 6-8 and she is a big fan of mama during that time. Which is a bummer because that's when daddy is home. She still loves his face and his goofy voices though. She's still a better night sleeper than napper, we usually get up twice a night, give or take. Although recently we've been having nights where we pretend she's a newborn again, that's not fun for either of us. Sleep is so important to her happiness. (I feel that.) Still getting swaddled every night and sleeps in the little crib next to our bed. She takes brief naps in the big crib in her room, but I do mean brief. Mostly she naps on mama.

These days it's gradually less and less pure survival mode. We're finally getting into a good routine, I've sorta got her figured out and vice versa. What she needs when. But then sometimes she's just pissed and I'm like??? Mostly though she's a chill little thing. I'm amazed everyday at how happy she is. When she was born we got all sorts of compliments on how mellow she was and one of the nurses said it was because we (her parents) were laid back. Which might be true but we also might be good actors? But I took that to heart and try to keep my stress level at a minimum. The key word here is try because I have hella anxiety and worry about Indiana and am I doing this mom thing okay??? basically nonstop. But I try to at least outwardly keep a cool head the best I can and not to sweat the little stuff. Because I swear, that baby knows when I'm stressed and it wigs her out! I tell myself babies are tough little things and as long as she's healthy and loved we will all be okay.

Anyway good gracious, kudos to you if you got through all that. I am obviously obsessed with my baby. I just want to remember all these little things forever! So when Indiana is 15 and karma is paying me back for all my own teenage shenanigans I can look back and be like aww, remember when? And then I'll go wake her up every couple hours and ask her to feed me. ;)

Three months of Indy! Still flying by the seat of my pants, still exhausted, but still loving every moment of it. 

Here's one and two months! 

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