Monday, February 8, 2016

Indiana Kathleen

Because I am a chronic oversharer and documenter, here is the story of how the Seahorse, now Indiana, landed on earth. I wrote this a few days after she was born, but am just now finding the time to share it. I've also just now had the chance to look at the pictures Brendon took, and I immediately teared up while going through them. I'm sorry there aren't any of you in them Dr. Hogan! If I hadn't been giving birth I would have made sure you made an appearance. But I love that you documented this, I love seeing your perspective of things, and I love that I don't remember you taking any of these. You're the best.

Also this is in no way graphic or detailed, but I mean, it is a story about giving birth. So if words like "pushing" freak you out, feel free to skip it! By how relaxed I look, I'd say these first two photos are post epidural. Here we go!

I am writing this with a baby (!!!) in my arms via my phone via the couch. Life is a dreamy sleepy haze right now, but I wanted to get this down before my memories get fuzzy, because I want to remember them forever and ever. Here's how Indiana Kathleen came into our world.

Friday morning I had a doctors appointment. I had progressed a bit from my last appointment, but not enough to get excited. So we made another appointment on my actual due date and scheduled a back up induction for the following Saturday. My doctor says the quickest way to make a baby come is to schedule an induction. She was SO right. After the appointment I started having contractions. They persisted regularly all day, and real talk, it was pretty rough. So I sent up the white flag and Brendon came home early from work and we headed to the hospital. They checked everything out and though things were "happening", they weren't far enough along to admit. So we went home, we built a rocking chair, and we went out for Indian food with some good friends. The contractions slowed down and I came to terms with the fact that this lady wasn't gonna show this go around. I showered, got in PJ's, and we snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. The Legend of Zorro by the way is not a great movie, but it might make you have a baby. Contractions were pretty much nonexistent at this point but about halfway through Zorro, BOOM my water breaks. And I mean, it broke. Like something out of a movie. I legit heard a pop and everything. GALLONS of water it felt like. It was seriously insane, and I could not stop laughing. So back into the shower I go, and then we're off to the hospital where this time, I'm admitted like a boss. Contractions started happening on our way there and woooo, did they hurt. I was all about the drugs in my game plan but I didn't think I'd ask for them so soon. The plan was to tough it out as long as possible. But the cool thing is, I have this awesome reaction to intense pain where I PUKE LIKE CRAZY. So a contraction equals puking. It was horrible. That epidural request happened real quick, and IT WAS AMAZING. Science and medicine you guys. I'm a fan. My parents all arrived around midnight I think? My mom stayed in the hospital with us (and is staying with us now, THANK THE MOTHERHOOD GODS) and my dad and step-momma crashed at our place,

At around 2am something happened with my epidural and I started feeling everything on my right side, which meant more barfing. My hero, aka the anesthesiologist, adjusted things and all was well again. I even got some sleep! Like a good half hour. My doctor was scheduled to arrive around 7:30am and that's also when Indiana decided it was time to come out! I won't go into details about pushing, but let me just say, it was the hardest and most amazing thing I've ever done. I've never been so tired in my life (no joke, I thought I was going to pass out/die from exhaustion) but oh my gosh, I'd do it again so fast to meet that little baby. I pushed for about two hours (which felt like so much less) and at 9:45am we brought Indiana into this world. She came straight to my chest and it was the most life altering thing. There are not words for that moment. My whole world shifted. Seeing her face and her body and her EYES. Nothing else mattered. All the pain and craziness and chaos happening around me melted away. I never ever want to forget that moment. Life highlight, for sure. I was so tired and happy and in shock and just so proud. It was like a dream. The best dream.

Brendon Hogan is my hero. He was by my side the entire time. Coaching and cheering me on. And drilling the doctors and nurses about everything of course. I could not have brought baby girl into this world without him, literally and figuratively. He is the best husband and already the greatest dad. I don't know how I won the lotto with the guy, but I am so very thankful. I can't even with seeing Indiana in his arms. It is heaven on earth.

Recovery was and still is surprisingly easy. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I've been hit but a bus, physically and emotionally, but it could be so much worse. I think the joy of having her HERE overshadows any pain. I'm not even mad that since Friday (it is now Monday (keep in mind this was written on 1/25)) I've only slept maybe 6 hours. High on life, y'all. Who needs sleep when you have a new Hogan?

We went home at noon, and the drive was the most stressed I'd been yet. Tiny babies in carseats! AH! Then when we got home I had a massive freak out (first of many I'm sure) because I couldn't get her to wake up to feed. But all was well, she was just exhausted from you know, her first day of life. And it's been a dreamy haze since then! Everyone is exhausted but I'm too happy to mind. My mom is here spoiling us absolutely rotten, and I am so thankful. Brendon is the greatest dad already and is making this transition so much easier. I don't know what I'd do without him by my side. Don't go back to work ever, okay? (Today was his first day back. We are surviving, but barely. We miss Dr. Hogan.)

And Indiana Kathleen, she is perfect. She is the most adorable creature I've ever laid eyes on. She's a big ol' sleepy mess who has her days and nights confused, and is turning into the biggest milk piggy. She doesn't cry often, but when she does, girlfriend can SCREAM. It's impressive. She mostly just grunts and makes these adorable new baby squeaks. It's heartbreaking how perfect she is. I still can't believe it and feel like at any point someone will wake me from this dream. I am too lucky. And I'm so glad so many of you liked her name! We've had it picked since before we knew she was a she. We picked it while driving through the desert on the way home from Vegas in June. And somehow we told not a single person until January 23rd in the delivery room. I think it fits her perfectly. But I still call her the Seahorse every now and then, I don't know if she'll ever lose that nickname! Old habits, you know.

I must include a few thank you's here. To my family, for coming to Temple for us and Indiana. I know we were a sleepy and frazzled mess, but it meant so much that you were there. Baby girl has the best family ever. Thank you for supporting us and feeding us and just being amazing. And my momma is seriously up here saving lives and sanity. She and my sister cleaned my apartment while we were in recovery!! I can't really wrap my mind around the immense gratitude I'm feeling. I just hope I've got some of that momma gold in my blood for Indiana.

To the staff at Scott and White Temple, I'm sorry I ever scoffed at your hospital. I obviously had no idea what to expect, but we were spoiled rotten. Everyone was so nice and so great and made the experience so personal. We hit the jackpot with our nurses, you don't even know. They are angels. And my doctor is seriously a super hero. Seeing her in action was impressive to say the least. Woman is a magician. Even the dietary folks, they spoiled us! They went out of their way to make sure we had BIG vegetarian meals and checked back to make sure that we liked them. I just... I didn't know it could be like that. I wouldn't want to have a baby anywhere else. I felt like a princess, when I never thought feeling like a princess was possible.

And to all of you folks out on the Internet! I don't know what I'd do without all of your support and well wishes and advice and LOVE through these whole thing. The Internet can be a nasty place, but it also connects us to friends and family afar and gosh I am thankful for that. You guys are amazing. I read every single comment from Indiana's birth day and loved them all. You all are rock stars, thank you for being the happy light in an often dark world.

And to Brendon. Goodness, I never think loving you any more is possible but you always surprise me. My heart grew forty sizes when Indiana was born, and not just because I never knew it was possible to love such a tiny thing so very much, but because my love for you EXPLODED while on our adventure of bringing her into the world. You are more than I could have ever asked for or imagined and I am honored to have gone through this with you. I could not have done it without you, boo. Team Hogan forever.

So there we go. How Indiana came into the world. She's the best baby ever. In my opinion. ;)

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