One year in Temple

I had to search my photos forever to find something Temple related, ha! It's not the prettiest city. This is the old Santa Fe Train Depot near downtown, which is now a museum and, well, still a train station.

Somehow a year has passed since we moved to Temple. Well, a year in some days. We moved here June 1st. It both feels like just yesterday and a million years ago. Our life in Austin seems very distant and unfamiliar, mostly because when we were there we were carefree and childless. What is that? Temple has been all about baby. Preggo for half, new parents for half.

Y'all all know, I hated Temple when we moved here. Hated it. I kinda blame months of morning sickness which began I swear, the week we moved up. But I also blame Temple, because it does suck a little. ;) I wouldn't say I love living here now, but there are things about it that I like. It was the perfect place to have a baby. Quiet, easy, affordable, full of kind folks and little old ladies and men who love babies. Really a decent place to spend 75% of your time never leaving the house. It's been good to us, which is convenient as we've got at least another year here ahead of us. Silent scream/sigh of relief? I go back and forth. Every day is grows on me. And seriously you'd never think it, but Temple is booming. SO many new businesses have opened just since we've been here and there are a ton more on the way. There are like twice as many places to eat now! Places to eat have a big influence on my appreciation of a place. Probably why I loved Austin so much.

The town is still and will probably always be terrifyingly conservative and very much like what you'd imagine a Texas town would be like socially. I feel very much out of place when things like politics or religion come up. Don't get me started on all the bumper stickers. Terrible place to live if you're vegetarian. Which saves us moola. We are also far younger than most of the citizens. By like 30 years. BUT as with southern towns, most folks are endearingly kind and polite. Which is refreshing. Everyone is very nice. Unless you're a minority. I kid, I kid! (Kinda.)

No one can drive (or park) worth a damn, but getting across town still just takes ten minutes. And there's NO TRAFFIC. We still love our little apartment and all the lovely folks that live in our complex. I've never met my neighbors anywhere I've lived, but this small town thing y'all. Our neighbors gave us baby gifts. We don't even know these people! It's crazy and kinda sweet. I legit think they'd give me a cup of sugar if I asked. I won't because strangers scare me and I'm never short on sugar, but it's a nice thought.

The VA where Brendon works is really the best thing we could have imagined. We could not have planned it better. Everyone there is soooooo nice and kind and family friendly. Every time I go visit him I am swamped with smiles and hugs and boy do they looove Indiana. I'm glad we're here for another year, if for no other reason than Brendon gets to keep working where he is. And the thought of moving to a new city again and resettling with a 4 month old is kind of terrifying. Thankful that we are not!

So YES, I am ready to be staying another year. Would I rather be in Austin with my fellow liberal weirdos? Maybe. Well, let's be real, yes. Could we afford it? Maybe not. I really do think this is the right place for us at the moment. And we're helping to spice Temple up a little! It needs a little weird.

Indiana Kathleen

Because I am a chronic oversharer and documenter, here is the story of how the Seahorse, now Indiana, landed on earth. I wrote this a few days after she was born, but am just now finding the time to share it. I've also just now had the chance to look at the pictures Brendon took, and I immediately teared up while going through them. I'm sorry there aren't any of you in them Dr. Hogan! If I hadn't been giving birth I would have made sure you made an appearance. But I love that you documented this, I love seeing your perspective of things, and I love that I don't remember you taking any of these. You're the best.

Also this is in no way graphic or detailed, but I mean, it is a story about giving birth. So if words like "pushing" freak you out, feel free to skip it! By how relaxed I look, I'd say these first two photos are post epidural. Here we go!

I am writing this with a baby (!!!) in my arms via my phone via the couch. Life is a dreamy sleepy haze right now, but I wanted to get this down before my memories get fuzzy, because I want to remember them forever and ever. Here's how Indiana Kathleen came into our world.

Friday morning I had a doctors appointment. I had progressed a bit from my last appointment, but not enough to get excited. So we made another appointment on my actual due date and scheduled a back up induction for the following Saturday. My doctor says the quickest way to make a baby come is to schedule an induction. She was SO right. After the appointment I started having contractions. They persisted regularly all day, and real talk, it was pretty rough. So I sent up the white flag and Brendon came home early from work and we headed to the hospital. They checked everything out and though things were "happening", they weren't far enough along to admit. So we went home, we built a rocking chair, and we went out for Indian food with some good friends. The contractions slowed down and I came to terms with the fact that this lady wasn't gonna show this go around. I showered, got in PJ's, and we snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. The Legend of Zorro by the way is not a great movie, but it might make you have a baby. Contractions were pretty much nonexistent at this point but about halfway through Zorro, BOOM my water breaks. And I mean, it broke. Like something out of a movie. I legit heard a pop and everything. GALLONS of water it felt like. It was seriously insane, and I could not stop laughing. So back into the shower I go, and then we're off to the hospital where this time, I'm admitted like a boss. Contractions started happening on our way there and woooo, did they hurt. I was all about the drugs in my game plan but I didn't think I'd ask for them so soon. The plan was to tough it out as long as possible. But the cool thing is, I have this awesome reaction to intense pain where I PUKE LIKE CRAZY. So a contraction equals puking. It was horrible. That epidural request happened real quick, and IT WAS AMAZING. Science and medicine you guys. I'm a fan. My parents all arrived around midnight I think? My mom stayed in the hospital with us (and is staying with us now, THANK THE MOTHERHOOD GODS) and my dad and step-momma crashed at our place,

At around 2am something happened with my epidural and I started feeling everything on my right side, which meant more barfing. My hero, aka the anesthesiologist, adjusted things and all was well again. I even got some sleep! Like a good half hour. My doctor was scheduled to arrive around 7:30am and that's also when Indiana decided it was time to come out! I won't go into details about pushing, but let me just say, it was the hardest and most amazing thing I've ever done. I've never been so tired in my life (no joke, I thought I was going to pass out/die from exhaustion) but oh my gosh, I'd do it again so fast to meet that little baby. I pushed for about two hours (which felt like so much less) and at 9:45am we brought Indiana into this world. She came straight to my chest and it was the most life altering thing. There are not words for that moment. My whole world shifted. Seeing her face and her body and her EYES. Nothing else mattered. All the pain and craziness and chaos happening around me melted away. I never ever want to forget that moment. Life highlight, for sure. I was so tired and happy and in shock and just so proud. It was like a dream. The best dream.

Brendon Hogan is my hero. He was by my side the entire time. Coaching and cheering me on. And drilling the doctors and nurses about everything of course. I could not have brought baby girl into this world without him, literally and figuratively. He is the best husband and already the greatest dad. I don't know how I won the lotto with the guy, but I am so very thankful. I can't even with seeing Indiana in his arms. It is heaven on earth.

Recovery was and still is surprisingly easy. Don't get me wrong, I feel like I've been hit but a bus, physically and emotionally, but it could be so much worse. I think the joy of having her HERE overshadows any pain. I'm not even mad that since Friday (it is now Monday (keep in mind this was written on 1/25)) I've only slept maybe 6 hours. High on life, y'all. Who needs sleep when you have a new Hogan?

We went home at noon, and the drive was the most stressed I'd been yet. Tiny babies in carseats! AH! Then when we got home I had a massive freak out (first of many I'm sure) because I couldn't get her to wake up to feed. But all was well, she was just exhausted from you know, her first day of life. And it's been a dreamy haze since then! Everyone is exhausted but I'm too happy to mind. My mom is here spoiling us absolutely rotten, and I am so thankful. Brendon is the greatest dad already and is making this transition so much easier. I don't know what I'd do without him by my side. Don't go back to work ever, okay? (Today was his first day back. We are surviving, but barely. We miss Dr. Hogan.)

And Indiana Kathleen, she is perfect. She is the most adorable creature I've ever laid eyes on. She's a big ol' sleepy mess who has her days and nights confused, and is turning into the biggest milk piggy. She doesn't cry often, but when she does, girlfriend can SCREAM. It's impressive. She mostly just grunts and makes these adorable new baby squeaks. It's heartbreaking how perfect she is. I still can't believe it and feel like at any point someone will wake me from this dream. I am too lucky. And I'm so glad so many of you liked her name! We've had it picked since before we knew she was a she. We picked it while driving through the desert on the way home from Vegas in June. And somehow we told not a single person until January 23rd in the delivery room. I think it fits her perfectly. But I still call her the Seahorse every now and then, I don't know if she'll ever lose that nickname! Old habits, you know.

I must include a few thank you's here. To my family, for coming to Temple for us and Indiana. I know we were a sleepy and frazzled mess, but it meant so much that you were there. Baby girl has the best family ever. Thank you for supporting us and feeding us and just being amazing. And my momma is seriously up here saving lives and sanity. She and my sister cleaned my apartment while we were in recovery!! I can't really wrap my mind around the immense gratitude I'm feeling. I just hope I've got some of that momma gold in my blood for Indiana.

To the staff at Scott and White Temple, I'm sorry I ever scoffed at your hospital. I obviously had no idea what to expect, but we were spoiled rotten. Everyone was so nice and so great and made the experience so personal. We hit the jackpot with our nurses, you don't even know. They are angels. And my doctor is seriously a super hero. Seeing her in action was impressive to say the least. Woman is a magician. Even the dietary folks, they spoiled us! They went out of their way to make sure we had BIG vegetarian meals and checked back to make sure that we liked them. I just... I didn't know it could be like that. I wouldn't want to have a baby anywhere else. I felt like a princess, when I never thought feeling like a princess was possible.

And to all of you folks out on the Internet! I don't know what I'd do without all of your support and well wishes and advice and LOVE through these whole thing. The Internet can be a nasty place, but it also connects us to friends and family afar and gosh I am thankful for that. You guys are amazing. I read every single comment from Indiana's birth day and loved them all. You all are rock stars, thank you for being the happy light in an often dark world.

And to Brendon. Goodness, I never think loving you any more is possible but you always surprise me. My heart grew forty sizes when Indiana was born, and not just because I never knew it was possible to love such a tiny thing so very much, but because my love for you EXPLODED while on our adventure of bringing her into the world. You are more than I could have ever asked for or imagined and I am honored to have gone through this with you. I could not have done it without you, boo. Team Hogan forever.



So there we go. How Indiana came into the world. She's the best baby ever. In my opinion. ;)

Ten years

While devouring dinner not too long ago and Brendon remarked on a colleague who had a very definite five year plan. It was a good one, made all kinds of sense. It was something that Brendon, in another life, would have done. But I kind of laughed and said, "Heh, plans." Because for me and us, life has a way of just doing whatever it wants. Regardless of what you have planned. And I kind of love it. So it's had me thinking. Thinking of all the plans that didn't happen, and all the great things that did instead over the past decade.

If you're like me, a person inevitably cursed with a sense of responsibility and... grown-upness? planning just kind of happens naturally for us nerds. You try to do what you're supposed to. But that being said, plans in general also stress me out. So I have a weird balance of not totally flying by the seat of my pants, but also rolling with the punches. I married a super planner. He would plan our every second of every day if he could. I roll my eyes and say, "let's just see what happens." (Or I screech out something about him being a micromanager.) I think we balance each other out well, and believe it or not, HE has added most of the chaos to me life. Lovely, sweet, fantastic chaos.

My first recollection of real life planning, or scheming, would be planning to go off to college. I wanted to be an art teacher. I picked a college "far away" (Denton is far, right?), I wanted to get out of dodge. I was wrapping up my first and only real very messy breakup (HAHAHAHA) and wanted a clean slate. Plans were made, a friend was supposed to go with me and she bailed, but I was determined to go. Alone seemed even better. But then, Brendon happened. And right before I was supposed to leave to start this great adventure and life on my own, that boy conned me into noticing him, then dating him. I was like, OKAY FINE, BUT NO PROMISES. I still went to off college on my own, and it was one of the best things I've ever done. Long distance relationships though, they suck. So after a year of riding the struggle bus, up came Brendon. I was no longer alone and there we were, going to college together. At some point the idea of being an art teacher went out the window thanks to an actual teacher who got real with me after some drawing class and told me my "talent" would be wasted. Honestly, I didn't even like kids, I would have been a terrible teacher. So I switched my major to Studio Art, and planned on going to grad school after. I was going to be an Artist. With or without Brendon. But then, I just kept falling for Brendon. And you guys, I fought it. We broke up for two seconds 1000 times. But never really, 'cause I loved that boy. And the idea of living anywhere without him, it just seemed silly. He eventually conned me again (he's such a charmer you guys, I blame the hair and those Dr. Pepper eyes) into living with him and it was to my surprise, the best. I was like, damn. I think I could do this forever. And then he proposed, and you know. We got married. Right after graduation. And he got into the best pharmacy school (you're welcome, UT) in the state and there was no hope of grad school for me there. So, I just didn't go to grad school. And I was okay with that. It didn't happen and if I had the chance now I still wouldn't go. It wasn't for me. It was what you were supposed to do as an artist, it was the next step. And I was ever the good girl, trying to follow the rules. But you guys, I have basically not painted once since graduating and I'm not mad. I think I just happened to be decent at drawing and painting, and so I got a degree in it. But I don't regret it! It taught me how to manage time, think creatively, and it taught me what I was capable of. But I think I've found my niche in sewing, for now. It makes me real happy. I'm glad I got that degree, but I don't miss painting.

ANYWAY, so off to Austin we went. The game plan was for Brendon to finish pharmacy school and then make the big bucks in Austin working for CVS. But then, he did some clinical rotations towards the end and was like, hmmm... I think I want to do that. And he timidly put forth the idea of doing a residency after graduation and I was like, "are you kidding after four years NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE." But of course, I thought about it for more than two seconds and came around. What's one more year? He'll get to do what he loves. So we did all the motions and applying and Temple was in our future. And somewhere in that last year of school, we decided to try to have kids?? Boom, pregnant.

And I have given up on planning.

When I was 17, I didn't want a boyfriend. I got one. When I was 20, all I wanted to do was go to grad school and be a successful artist. I did NOT want to get married, I didn't even want to share my one bedroom apartment. Brendon and I moved in together, got hitched, and grad school went out the window by 23. I have for most of my short adult life, not wanted kids. But a few years ago I was like, hmmm... I think I wanna try mixing up some DNA. I want to try raising a human with this man. And at 27 we will have made a kid! And I sure as hell did not want to move to Temple, TX of all places, but look where we are. And I don't even hate it!

You guys, life is a mess! You can plan all you want, but life just says, nah let's do this instead! And that is so okay. Sometimes life has better ideas. Life has taken me on the strangest adventure and I would not change a second of it. Even the bad parts. Because they make you stronger and when you look back, they're not so bad. It's all been so so so good. Nothing like I imagined. It's okay that you might not have done what you were "supposed" to do. There is no "supposed" to. Almost a year ago someone very close to me made me feel terrible about what I was doing in life, because it wasn't what I was "supposed" to do. Well, eff that! As long as you are alive, happy, and healthy, what are you doing wrong? I have everything I need, and more. I am a lucky lucky lady and I am thrilled to be where I am. A lot of chaos and hard work and LOVE got me to be where I'm not "supposed" to be.

So what I'm trying to say is, I didn't want a Brendon. But ten years ago I got one. And he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope he thinks likewise. ;) We have been on a rowdy adventure, but I have had the best life so far. It has been so much fun. Hard and trying, but gosh, we've had a lot of fun. Sometimes I think back on all we've been through and it feels like a dream. Some of it really sucked, but most of it has been fantastic. I have been so happy. Every year is better than the last and I just can't wait to see what weirdness awaits.

Happy ten years, Mr. Hogan. Happy ten years of crazy adventures. Happy ten years of plans going awry, of flying by the seat of our pants, even though you're a champion micromanager. Thank you for derailing plans and turning them into something so much better. Thank you for finding me and for sharing the best decade of my life. You are my favorite and I have more love for you than I ever thought possible to feel. I will follow you and us to the ends of the earth on our adventures, because it is always worth it.

Embarrassing photo, as you do. New Years Eve 2007, we were 19. I'd have posted an earlier one but you know, back when we got together disposable cameras were all the rage. Not too many digital versions of us in our early years. But still, even two years in we were BAAAABIES. (I still have and regularly wear that jacket. It's just so warm.)

Loved you then, love you now, love you forever, four eyes. Happy ten years of adventuring, give me some smooches.

Being thankful

A sort of Thanksgiving post! Quite a few days late... but that's life isn't it?

I took about three photos on Thanksgiving and none of them contained humans. So here's Brendon and I decorating our tree over the weekend. Which is more Christmasy than Thanksgiving, but whatever! Turkey Day is the gateway to Christmas.

I hope you all had a marvelous Thanksgiving, full of food, family and friends, relaxation; whatever floats your boat. We did our usual family hopping, so we had two meals in one day. It was fantastic, though by the end of the day I seriously thought I might be going into labor from fullness. I felt like I was going to POP.

I thought a lot over the weekend about being thankful and all the things I'm thankful for. What started out as a lovely weekend ended up with me basically being an immobile achy baby by Sunday. I'm not sure if I've just officially entered the rough stage of late pregnancy or if I just had too much fun (running a 5k followed by multiple long car rides? YOU WILL PAY!), but I have been struggling. So thinking of the many things I'm thankful for is a sort perfect therapy. This is written more for me than anyone else. I am a very lucky human and have a gazillion things to be thankful for, but I'd like to touch on the big ones.

I am very thankful to be where we are. I'm thankful that we're here in Temple, that Brendon is doing what he loves, and that I have the chance to be a partial stay at home catmom/baby grower. We are very lucky to be where we are in life, and although it did come with a lot of hard work, I'm thankful that we're here. Yes, I am thankful to be in Temple, which I like more everyday. Someone slap me.

I'm thankful for family. I have a crazy typical American family with a heaping dash of dysfunction and quirks, and I love it. There's nothing perfect or normal about our family, but I am very glad for every last one of them. Even if they stress me out (multiplied by hormones) and I may grumble about them, they are all wonderful. I am especially grateful for my parents, who have been extra supportive during this crazy time of growing a human. You guys are gonna be the best grandparents. I'm real thankful for that.

My grandpa passed away over the weekend, an odd thing to mention during a list of thankfulness, I know. But we were luckily able to see right before, and I'm thankful for that. He wasn't able to say much, but he was awake and he knew who we were. We told him about his great grand-baby again and he rubbed my belly for a while and mouthed the word baby. Beyond him to have been able to meet our little lady, I can't have asked for much more. I'm not one to get real sentimental, but you guys, that was a moment for me. One I will never ever forget. Being able to say goodbye isn't something everyone gets the chance to do, and I'm very grateful that we were able to.

I am so so thankful for the little life growing in my ever expanding belly! This girl is wrecking havoc on my body right now, but I'm so grateful for the ability and chance to be her mom that it's totally okay. Every time she kicks me, even when it hurts, it's a happy moment. Because she's alive and healthy and I suspect... a little feisty! Sometimes I think about meeting her and her actually being here and I can't handle it. I just want to explode with excitement. Don't get me wrong, I'm extra nervous and slightly terrified, but deep down I know it will all be okay. And it will all be worth it. There's a big change for us right around the corner and I don't think any one is ever ready for it, but gosh, I'm thankful for it. I am so thankful for her.

You knew this was coming, but damn, I am so thankful for Brendon. Y'all don't even know. There aren't enough words out there to describe the depth of my love and gratitude for that man, especially these days. He is my rock and my sunshine and my home. I am beyond thankful that he found me and that we've had so many adventures all these years. And I honestly don't know how I would survive being pregnant without him. This is a group effort, for sure. He has been there for me every second of the way and I would have legit perished on the couch months ago without him. He is the most patient human in the world with me. And I mean, with me, because I don't know if you've dealt with Brendon, but he does not have a whole bunch of patience in general. But with me, endless patience. Not something I can say for myself. He listens to me complain, does anything and everything he can for me, supports me in every endeavor, and loves me no matter how puffy and zit covered I might be. He loves the Seahorse and talks to her and rubs my belly and says he can't wait to meet her and I die every time. He's the best thing in the world, and I am so so SO thankful for him.

Those are the big ones. I am a lucky lady. Hormones, exhaustion, and pain (the joys of pregnancy!) are keeping me from functioning at my highest level of sunshine and rainbows, but through it all, I am so happy. I have low moments, but it doesn't take much to remind me that I am fortunate. And even at the lowest moments, I am thankful. (But for real though, the back pain can skedaddle whenever it wants.)

Baby Shower!

The baby shower was this weekend! I'm going to be honest with you guys, when the idea of a shower was suggested I kinda groaned. I am not a fan of baby showers and I'm not a fan of being the center of any attention. I have a weeee bit of social anxiety and honestly at first I was just like, "Can we not??". BUT, I'm so glad we did. Because it was lovely and so worth it. Big kudos to our family for putting this together. We had a very low key baby shower, which was more just like a party/get together/watch us open presents shindig. It was perfect. We had it out at my dad's place (which did so much good for my stress factor), and everyone just sorta hung out! We got to hug and chat and relax with people we rarely get to see. And thanks to my momma, we also stuffed our faces. And thanks to Brendon's momma, everyone (minus the knocked up lady) got to party with the aid of lots of alcohol. :)

Be patient with the photo quality. The weather was hazy and grey and thus the lighting wasn't perfect. PLUS I super slacked on taking photos until like the very end. Sorry for everyone I missed!

My handsome husband, boy am I obsessed with you. Deb, my mom-in-law got us the prettiest flowers from Comal Flower Shop. I loved it, because that is where Brendon and I got our flowers for each other when we went to prom in high school. HA! We're coming full circle, y'all. (But seriously, Comal Flower Shop creates the prettiest things! Thank you, Deb!)

Opening presents photo cred goes to my sister. Sorry there are so many, I just find so many of them hilarious. And you don't have a baby shower often so suck it up!

Seahorse painted by my sister! There were LOTS of Seahorse themed presents. We have Seahorse everything! I love it! Also, this is basically my face all the time. Forgive my puffy goofy existence, I'M PREGNANT OKAY?

Okay okay okay, so this photo is obv amazing, but this rocking horse. Not only is it super duper cool, but my dad made it. Like cut out and put together every piece of wood, the dang whole thing. And apparently it was a huge pain in the butt, haha. But I loooove it. It's beautiful, it's going to last forever, and I can't wait for Baby Hogan to play on that thing. I don't cry, like ever (unless baby animals or sad movies are involved), but I might have teared up when I opened this rocking horse. Maybe. You'll never know.

Kendra, you win for best packaging ever, also for traveling the longest distance!! DONUT BAG! I can't wait to see this guy pop up at family celebrations for years to come. Y'all reuse gift bags until they fall apart too right?

This is me, excitedly telling Brendon that I registered for a boy-friendly backpack style diaper bag so we can both use it! And this is him laughing, like, "Haha, NOPE."

GOLDEN BOOKS! My sister-in-law got us the sweetest collection of golden books (and a kitty cat dress to match one of them!). SO neat! Brendon and I are both avid readers, I can't wait to share our love of books with our little lady.

My dad also made this awesome mobile, Seahorses of course! It is perfect because I was just on the hunt for one! Also, taxidermied fish caught by my champion fisherwoman step-mom. Not a shower present, but worth mentioning.

SEAHORSE CUPCAKES! I looooove it. Seahorse everything!

Here come the, "oh man I took NO group photos and the party is basically over" photos. We missed taking pictures with my mom-in-law, because most everyone had left at this point!

This macho man photo was by request of my step-bro. I think he wanted to show of those muscles.

Don't mind my face. This photo taking party was devolving into a fit of giggles due to the amount of alcohol consumed by most.

My dad was really into comparing bellies. He really wanted to go no-shirts but I was like, uhhh I'm not wearing pants.

It was a seriously, very fun day. I am so glad it happened. I have to give a huuuuge thanks to my mom, my step-mom Lynne, my dad, my mom-in-law Deb and quasi-step-dad-in-law Allen for all their help. I have a weird crazy big family, but I wouldn't have it any other way. What is it Tom Hanks says in You've Got Mail? "We are... an American family!" Seriously though, those guys went above and beyond to make sure we had a wonderful day. I can't say thank you enough. PLUS, to everyone who came! Gosh, we have lived in four cities in the past decade, so our family and friends are naturally scattered across the state/country. I am always so blown away by how far people travel to celebrate these big milestones with us. You guys are such winners. And there were also so many people there with us in spirit! I wish I could teleport you all to me to give you a hug. Texas (and this country!) is too big. And dang, we were spoiled rotten with gifts. You should see all the ADORABLE outfits baby girl got. She's got more clothes than I do already. I have some serious laundry to do.

At the end of the day although I was drunk on love and good vibes, I felt a little overwhelmed and undeserving of all this generosity. People are far too kind. We are lucky to have such great family and friends who are really family. Sorry, we claim you! :) So thank you to everyone who came, who wanted to come but couldn't, and who spoiled the Hogans with love. You guys are the bright and shiny places in this crazy universe. We love you all. That Seahorse is a lucky lady and will be coming into this world with a fantastic crew of people who have her back. I am more grateful for that than anything. Hugs and more hugs to all of you.

An update on life, generally.

So there have been lots of fun announcements here lately, but not much in the realm of day to day life for the Hogans. So, not that people are hankering to know, but I thought I'd fill the internet in. Also here's a picture of Sophie, my hardworking sewing assistant.

Clearly she's a huge help. Not sure what I'd do with out her.

We've been here in Temple for... almost three months? Is that possible?! I'd say we're pretty settled in. Brendon has been doing the residency thing, which recently has consumed all his free time. Kind of like being in school again. Lots of research, lots of projects. No tests though! He's also been working the odd weekend a month or so as a pharmacist at CVS, just for extra cash and to keep up his tenure there. I think he secretly loves it. And I think Brendon also secretly likes it here in Temple. He likes the slower lifestyle, the convenience of small town living. Plus he's surrounded by like minded folks at work, doing what he loves. There are a few things that bother both of us about Temple, but I think out of the two of us, he's more at home here.

I on the other hand, can't help feeling a little out of place. There are wonderful things about living here. It takes ten minutes to get any where (whether in Temple or Belton), no where is EVER busy, and it is cheap cheap cheap. Living here is saving us a ton of cash compared to Austin. Also, our neighborhood/apartment is SO NICE and quiet and safe and just really the polar opposite of our place in Austin (yet cheaper?). But, there are also downsides to living here. Here goes my rant, bear with me. I often think of living here as going back a decade. Life in 2005. Or earlier. I am a millennial, for sure, that just came from a tech driven city so this slide back into the past has been... frustrating at times. I mean, we'll look up restaurants and there just wont be a website? HA, how tech reliant can you get, right? I think it's because there just aren't a lot of young people here. There is a giant retired population, and then families. Not many young folks. The young folks that are here are mostly all doctors and medical folks. And the majority of those doctors and medical folks don't even live here, they commute from Round Rock or Georgetown or Austin (understandably). So there aren't a lot of "young people" things here, because there's no market for it. And man, being a vegetarian in Temple is challenging, to say the least. If you don't want Asian or Italian food, your options are pretty much nilch. Which is saving us lots of money on eating out! Silver lining! There is also a shocking lack of good coffee, but I'm a coffee snob. So. Unsurprisingly, the Temple/Belton area is VERY conservative and VERY... Texas. We are bleeding heart liberals as my dad says, so that can be a little frustrating. And NO ONE CAN DRIVE HERE. I swear to you, the Hogans drive faster than 95% of the the population of Temple and Belton combined. Driving below the speed limit is a thing here. There's no traffic, but there are figurative turtles on the road you have to dodge. Aaaand, no one will visit you when you live in Temple. I mean, at least in Austin we had the "oooh Austin is cool, lets go see the Hogans", we got nothin' here.  I don't blame them. If we want to see people, we go to them.

OKAY. Rant over before my head falls off. To be fair, most of the three months we've been here, I was basically sick. So that's not a good start. And I hated Austin (and Denton) when I first moved there, but ended up loving it. And obviously Austin makes any other Texas town (especially a small one) seem like a foreign country. I get that. And I was born and raised in Texas, so you'd think I'd know. I guess I just got spoiled. And Austin sucks in many ways. It's overcrowded, the traffic is horrendous, hipsters everywhere (I secretly miss y'all though), and it is expensive. Settling down there and purchasing a house would be challenging. So I think Temple is good for us. As much as I grumble and moan about it, it's a smart place for us to be right now. Did I mention how cheap it is? And Austin is just down there road and I'm there once a week.

Which brings me to, what the heck am I doing for a living? I'm 70% a housewife, y'all. I work once a week sewing at my job down in Austin, but aside from that I chill at home. It's weird, but it works for us right now. I'm going to have my hands full with a Seahorse in a few months so we decided just to forgo me trying to get a, well, lets be honest... shitty job just for a few months. So I'm at home! Which has been perfect, because the past few months of being knocked up have been real rough for me. I'm doing mostly better now, but I still have the occasional date with my face in the toilet, so it's nice to do that in the comfort of my own home. I've been keeping my self busy with sewing (for me!! for fun!), cleaning, cooking, you know. House crap. And I don't mind! I've worked my ass off since I was a teenager, so it's nice to have a break. And the cats think they've died and gone to heaven. They loooove having a human around all the time. Just wait, y'all. Soon there will be a tiny human with hands that love to grab cat tails. (None of this would obviously be possible without my super hero husband, Brendon. That boy is the hardest working person I have EVER met. And he is also the kindest and sweetest, and always makes me feel... important. No matter what. Damn, I love you Brendon, and so does the Seahorse. She told me.)

So that's basically it! We've got a fair bit of traveling ahead, in state and out, the next few months before the Seahorse arrives, so I'm pretty stoked about that. Especially since I've been feeling somewhat normal again. Lots of fun adventures squeezed our ever shrinking time as a family of two. Plus two cats. Life is pretty good you guys. I know I just whined about Temple for a good paragraph, but I do not want you to think for a second that I am not LOVING life and thrilled at where we are in it. We are lucky ducks. Actually, eff luck, we both worked real hard to be where we are. So we are enjoying it. Even if Brendon is up to his ears in medical articles every free moment and I'm wondering if my esophagus will survive this never ending heartburn and oh my god we will be responsible for a tiny human very soon, WE ARE HAPPY. Because we're together. And it is almost FALL, praise the pumpkin gods.

What kind of human is the Seahorse?

So, as you've probably read on the Facebook, we found out what we're having! We had the BIG ultrasound yesterday. The one where, baby willing, you find out the gender. Turns out I'm a week less along than they originally thought (seventeenish weeks instead of eighteen), but luckily the Seahorse cooperated enough that we were able to see everything we needed to.

Now, telling gender by ultrasound isn't a perfect science, but Brendon called it right away and the technician wholeheartedly agreed; it was kind of obvious. The seahorse is a girl. Duh. I mean, what else could it be? How could I not end up with a girl? (Although to be fair, Brendon is to blame for this one, biologically we ladies have no say in the gender.) Everyone said it would be a girl, including Brendon, and boom, you were all right. I honestly had ZERO preference, I would have been thrilled either way, but a girl just makes a lot of sense. I mean, right? A boy would have been wonderful as well, but it was just not in the cards for the Hogans. A lady Seahorse it is!

Awesome news to find out, obviously. We can now say she, instead of it, which makes the Seahorse sound much more human and less alien like. And SHE is a little party animal! I've been feeling her move for a couple weeks, and every day it gets crazier. But both the nurse practitioner at my last visit and the technician yesterday remarked on how active she is. And she was seriously making moves! Kicking and turning and waving those little arms. Kind of like, "Hey! What the heck, stop pushing on me!" It's crazy to actually SEE her move, instead of just feel it. Also, science you guys. It's so awesome. We could see the heart pumping and we saw her BRAIN and her spine (and her lady parts). I mean, there's a little skeleton in there! And she looks pretty perfect to me. Looks clearly like a badass.

One day the kid is going to be like, YOU POSTED WHAT ON THE INTERNET?

AND yes, we are having a girl. Yes, there's a pink bow on that hat up there. And yes, I am a wannabe Disney Princess. But NO, that does NOT mean pink everything. We thought about not telling everyone just so we could avoid the stereotypical blue for boys pink for girls thing. I want the Seahorse to be surrounded by the rainbow! I don't want to pick her favorite color for her. We're going to try keep everything fairly neutral. Don't freak out, there will still be dresses. And maybe a couple bows. But some people just go so far overboard with the pink. No frills please! If she grows up and decides that she's the girliest of the girls (I wouldn't be surprised), that's totally cool! I just want to give her the opportunity to decide. NOT that she'll remember what she's wearing when she's a few months old, but you get the gist. We're just weird hippies, roll with it.

So like I said, we also found out I'm a weekish less along which means homegirl will be making an appearance at more like the end of January instead of the middle. January 26th is the date our tech threw out. I'm cool with that! Just means I'll be slightly less about to pop around the holidays. And for that trip to New Orleans in December!

And for fun, we tried to get Sophie and Greg to celebrate their new sister with some pictures, but they were fairly uninterested. Even when bribed with treats. (My crazy-cat-lady-dom knows no bounds.)

I love those two. They've been the best support team. Always game to cuddle when I'm feeling down. Plus they're adorable. They've got their work cut out for them, but I think they'll be perfect older siblings.

Now we all know what kind of human we're cooking up! Honestly you guys, I'm just thrilled that it appears we are growing a healthy human in there. This has been a relatively rough pregnancy for me, it's nice to know that the Seahorse seems to be doing just fine regardless. A healthy Seahorse is all I'm asking for! But a girl Seahorse is also very awesome. :)

Baby Hogan

Hello, in case you missed the memo, I'm pregnant. Let's discuss. Because I'm a chronic oversharer and what else is the internet for if not for babies and cats?

So, first of all here are the big details. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. Due date is January 15th-ish. We found out at the beginning of May and kept it mostly secret for almost three months! It was hard. But fun.

We've been calling our kid the Seahorse. Because we're weird and "baby" just sounded too... I don't know. Babyish? And because when we first found out (we found out waaaay early), it was seriously just a wee embryo. Not even that, a jumble of cells. And Brendon said fetus and I was just like, ew. It was too tiny and microscopic and fetus just sounds scary. So he was like Seahorse! I think he meant sea monkey, but it came out Seahorse and I was like "Eeeeeee!" and that was it. We had a Seahorse.

Like I said, we found out very early. My cycle had been like clockwork (TMI? It's a post about being pregnant.) so when things didn't happen like they usually do I was suspicious. I also felt like, this might be it. I felt different. So about five days after I should have been surfing the crimson tide, I took a test. Too early I guess, because it came out negative. I felt funky about it, but I was like whatever, maybe my cycle is off because I'm stressed. But then it still never happened, so a weekish later I took another one on some random day before work, and instead of just the one blue line it had the faintest cross line of blue as well. So light, you had to really look, but it was there. I will forever and always remember the feeling seeing that pale blue line going the other direction. I was surprised and shocked and AHHHH and excited and kind of relieved? Because you guys I felt weird for a while, not a bad weird, but just like... different (raging hormones). And hopeful? So I ran into the other room and threw my pee stick on Brendon's desk (yes, gross, but in the heat of the moment...) and said "LOOK THERE ARE TWO LINES IT SAYS EVEN IF ONE IS FAINT IT'S POSITIVE I THINK I'M PREGNANT." Or something like that. And then I immediately grabbed the keys and made Brendon go with me to buy another test. That was a fun car ride. Adrenaline pumping, but also the strangest calm? By the way HEB is the cheapest place to buy pregnancy tests. This time I got a digital one so there was no question of faint lines. I didn't have to pee again yet and Brendon had to go to work so he was like, "Tell me the results immediately." The ever rational Mr. Hogan. Flash forward thirty minutes or so and I took the fancy digital test and boom there it was. In less than three minutes in the crispest digital print, "Pregnant". And as the millennial I am, I took a photo and sent it to Brendon.

So the Seahorse came into existence, or into our knowledge. My eggo was preggo. Really, the timing was almost perfect. Brendon was about to graduate and start his residency which meant that he'd be bringing in some income and our lives would reach some level of adult normalcy (is there such a thing?). But I do mean almost perfect. Because we found out at a crazy time. I was starting my last month of work (and all the drama that came with that), Brendon was graduating (lots of family = lots of stress. The good kind, but still..), and we were about to pack up our Austin lives and move to Temple. Lots of big things, all at once. So it was an interesting month to say the least. It was trying, in many ways, but also incredibly exhilarating. We told a couple of people, but other than that it was still very much a secret. So we went through all that craziness, while also coming to terms with the fact that the Hogan family was expanding, relatively alone. I mean we had each other, but it's hard keeping something like that to yourself. When I was exhausted and feeling near death at work, I couldn't be like, oh hey, lemme chug some calories real quick, or I AM GOING TO EXPLODE, because hormones. Or when your family is giving you the "when are you two reproducing" eyes (Whyyyyyy is that okay to ask? It is not, btw.) and you're just like, heh? Or when you're moving and packing and sweating and just so tired and you need to hide out but you can't? Like there is no time? But you guys, it was also the loveliest secret to keep. It was magical and special and just ours. And it also made me feel hella tough surviving that month, because I am woman hear me roar. But just wait.

Honestly, being preggo for the first month was pretty easy. Aside from all the craziness that just so happened to occur in that month. My biggest pregnancy symptoms were just incredibly sore boobs, and exhaustion. Oh and hormones, duh. But holy cow, so so so tired. But other than the boobs, grouchiness, and tiredness, it was an "easy" month. I was like dang, being pregnant is not bad! HA. Around week 6 (and a half) the nausea set in. And headaches. But mostly nausea. And it did not go away. It sucked so bad. Nausea all day long (morning sickness is a lie!), for like 6 weeks straight. Some people get cravings? I just hated food. I hated eating. Nothing sounded good. Except fruit, I ate a lot of fruit. Like so many bunches of bananas. IT SUCKED. I could write a book on how much it sucked. But once the first trimester started wrapping up, the nausea eased up too. Not totally gone, I still have to eat every two hours or I get pukey feeling, but so much better. Now I'm mostly just tired all the time and have the headaches from hell. Being pregnant is an adventure.

But thankfully y'all, I have a Brendon. Not only is he incredibly supportive and sweet and understanding (seriously, this cannot be stated enough, I married a saint), but he's also a pharmacist, so apparently he knows some medical mumbo jumbo. He's been leading me in the right directions and is my guru for, "Can I do this? Can I take this? Should I not do that?" Gosh, he's just so good to me. I don't know what I would do without him. Probably starve to death. He is always there for me. When I'm awful and grumpy and badly in need of a snack (or meal, or water, or whatever) at a very inconvenient time, he's got my back. He cooked so many meals for me you guys, so many. And he's also forever telling me "thank you for growing the Seahorse", which you know, would make my ovaries explode if they weren't in baby growing mode.

Also a shout out to my momma, who checked on me almost every day to see how I was feeling. There's nothing like being pregnant to make you appreciate your mom. I'm sure the appreciation only grows, as the Seahorse you know, comes out and we're, you know, raising it. I hear that's the hard part. Mom, you are my hero. I don't know how you did this twice. ;) 

But truly you guys, aside from feeling mostly awful for two months, the whole thing is great and pretty unreal. My hair and nails are on point right now. And my face has finally calmed down from the hormone explosion so maybe I'm getting that glow? And the ultrasounds!? Hearing someone else's heartbeat in my tummy? It really felt real once we heard it in there. So cool. I'm just super excited to be growing this Seahorse and super excited to see what our DNA mixed together turns out like. Obviously a badass, but what kind of badass? Gosh it's gonna be fun. Also scary (we are basically big children, who allowed us to become parents??). But let's focus on the fun, shall we? IT'S GONNA BE SO FUN.

Austin to Temple

Quick update on life. It's been messy! And busy! But also really good. We are in Temple and have been for two weeks tomorrow. Our apartment is a dream, cheaper than our apartment in Austin, yet bigger and nicer and quieter. We're surrounded by new housing developments on two sides, an old neighborhood on one, and a field of wildflowers on the other. We face the wildflowers (my allergies!). We're on the outskirts of Temple, on the way to Belton. So we kind of get the best of both worlds. Temple is nice and actually pretty big, but I think Belton might be my favorite. It's smaller and cuter and they have a river and a lake. I'm partial to living near water. But the two towns are basically smashed into one another, so lucky us. I was honestly terrified that I would hate it here after Austin, but I don't. I adore the lack of traffic and the slower pace. We haven't had much time for exploring, but from what we've seen, we like it here! The cats do too.

It's been a nice two weeks of a whole lot of nothing. Well, that's a lie. For the first week Brendon studied his butt off for the NAPLEX (Which he passed! One more test in July and he'll be a licensed pharmacist! What a process this is!) and he's been working part time at a CVS here in Temple. And I've been just chillin' like a villain (insert sunglasses emoji) and working once a week at my sewing job in Austin. It's been a nice change of scenery and breath of culture (and a chance to satisfy any cravings for Austin goodies), and enough of a taste of Austin and it's traffic to make my commute home a happy and relieved one. But mostly we've been relaxing when we can. Watching lots of movies. Lots of cuddling. Lots of sleeping in. It's been good for us, because the last four years of our lives have been go go go GO and now we've had a much welcomed moment to breathe. And we've had visitors! My momma-in-law and little bro-in-law came to stay for the first weekend we were here and my mom was here yesterday! I love visitors. This is an open invitation to anyone who wants to trek to Temple and hang out. I am an expert at relaxation at this point, come chill with me.

Just as we get settled in, we leave for our little summer vacation next week. A real one, where we go somewhere, because I've definitely been on vacation for two weeks already. And then Brendon starts his residency when we get back! Which is a bummer, but hopefully means our lives will settle in to some sort of routine. Don't get me wrong, I like this hanging out in limbo we've been doing, it's been a nice change of pace, but I am not-so-secretly a huge nerd who needs a little structure in her life to thrive. Only a little though.

My little black book

Y'all. I accidentally stumbled upon the smallest thing today, that seriously rocked my little world.

When I was in college, I had a variety of little notebooks, as you do. To write thoughts, plan things out, sketch etc. May I remind you, I was in art school. Just before my last semester of college I bought a new little black moleskine to do more of these things. Not that I had filled up any notebook previously (does anyone), but sometimes you can't resist a pretty new notebook? Ya know?

Anyway, today I found that moleskine. I was scheming a project and needed some place to write ideas, and I grabbed one of the few (half written in) notebooks on my desk, the moleskine. And I opened it and had one of those insane nostalgic memory trips. I started at the beginning and worked my way through and oh my gosh it's a pretty much exact time line from my last semester (fall 2010?) to I think the summer of 2012? I think that's the last time I wrote in it. YOU GUYS, a lot went down in those two years. A lot. No one cares about this except me, but looking through that little book effected me so much I had to blog about it.

This little book has everything in it. I've got notes for school, planned out paintings, lists of what wood to buy for stretchers, art shows to go see, MATH? (art related geometry of course), review dates, graduation plans?! I mean it was like my planner, sketch book, notebook, everything. Then comes the wedding planning. This was the book I planned my wedding in. Lists, lists, lists, seating charts, layouts of the dance floor, squaring out the wording for our invitations, our music list, honeymoon planning (our flight info, hotels, you name it, it's in there), where to get our marriage license, what we're bringing down to New Braunfels for the wedding week, and in the midst of it all, pharmacy school application stuff??? I mean, it's just a rush of emotions at this point. There's a few games of hangman we played on the plane to Vancouver on our honeymoon. Thank you card lists for wedding presents. THEN WE'RE MOVING TO AUSTIN. I have our new (current) address written down, plans for setting up electricity, cable, etc, and then budgets. Oh man, here comes the part where we are broke broke broke. So much budgeting and numbers and stress and get this, my interview time/address for the barista job at the Bean. My first stores hours, notes to myself to get nonslip shoes and my food handlers certification, HA. Pages upon pages of free things to do in Austin. Lists of video games to rent. Pages upon pages of scores from playing dominos, cards, scrabble, etc. Because that's what we did our first year here. We played games because we couldn't afford to go out. Doodles and doodles and doodles. The plans for my first quilt. The plans to build my easel. Doctors appointments, recipes, brake places for the Xterra, fabric amounts for dresses, plans for the painting that has been half finished in my living room for years. And the last little thing; a list for a camping trip to Arkansas. And then that's it. You know whyyyyy that's it? After that last trip, I came home and started my job as a manager at work. I went from hourly to salary. Boom, metaphor for my life.

If you read all that, good job, you're crazy. If you didn't but are still hanging around, here are some pages that I felt I needed to document. So if this book disappears somehow, the internet will have some of it.

LOL, girls. You know we all do it. Write your name a gazillion times. And once upon a time, I was not a Hogan!

That picture was taken the day after our bachelor/bachelorette parties at my best friend's daughter's first birthday party. I have no idea why it's glued in this book. Also, seating arrangements!

Sorry Mr. Hogan, but that's still the truth. And I am also still a sleepy fatface.

I love that on the side of that last page I wrote "my stomach hates me!" NOT ANYMORE. Yeesh, what a terrible problem that was. Thank god I went vegetarian.

So I mean, you might be like whaaaaaa why the heck? But for me, finding that little book was finding a time machine. A lovely little trip down memory lane. I think it's completely fantastic that I have this little book to document such a... tumultuous (oooOOOooo big word) time in my life. I am sad that I dropped that habit of documenting all the tiny things.

Which leads me to.... what do I do? The book has still got maybe of fourth that is empty. Do I write in it? Or do I leave it as it is? A nice little time capsule representing a certain time period of my small life? Regardless of whether it's in this book or a new one, I'd like to start doing the same again. Because you guys have no idea how much I enjoying stumbling across this book. Okay, maybe now you do. But you get the picture. :)